As I've gotten older my friends have started having kids. Now I've not exactly ever been a person to think or say "Well that'll be me!" Cause, uh, no. And as I've gotten older and my friends have started having kids I've pretty much thought they all looked the same when born. The same squishy red face with closed eyes, usually a hat of some sort, stripped blanket. A baby is a baby to me.
In fact the thought of kids scared me so dang much that I had a pretty strict rule that I wouldn't hold a kid until it was 3 months old. By that time they were less fragile, a little less awkward (which wouldn't exactly make me any less awkward). And also by then their parents probably, maybe, sorta, might have had things figured out.
I remember when I held my friends son, her second child. It was precisely on his three month birthday. She knew damn well what she was doing. She had me on a technicality. I all but had a panic attack. I started breathing heavily. Heart racing. I was sweating. Like roll my sleeves up sweating.
I also remember when my best friend had her daughter and was visiting her parents and stopped by my work to say hi. I thought "Aww, this is great, we'll say hey to one another!" We hadn't seen a lot of one another after her daughter was born, so it was a great idea. Nope, I walked out of my office to say hi and she instantly handed her daughter off to me. Her just shy of three month old daughter to me. I stood motionless. I looked like a panicked statue if such a thing exists.
Last year a friend walked by and put his two week old son in my arms while at a kid's birthday party. Oh holy hell. That child was small. I was holding him on what was originally his due date. Oh, tiny baby. That had definitely broken my 3-month rule. But the kid and I both lived to talk about it.
Christmas of 2015 brought the news that I would become an Aunt during the Summer of 2016. My sister and brother-in-law were expecting! The question was posed if I'd hold my future niece or nephew when they were born. Well of course! I said that at least. I thought to myself "They'd be different, they'd be my niece or nephew. I could remind her or him their entire life that I held them when they were born." I'd have to make an exception. Probably. Maybe. I had 6 months to figure it out.
March of 2016 brought the news that I would become an Aunt of a little girl to be named Annabelle Sophia Rusek. In my mind she was already perfect. We'd have matching Chuck Taylors in life. I'd teach her glitter is great. I imagined my sister and brother-in-law would quickly dispel my teaching her that glitter is great. I'd buy her a cowbell so she could cheer me on at my races. And basically she'd think I was the coolest Aunt a little girl could ever have! I could do this. I could hold her when she was born. I'd have to get a "I"m a Super Cool Aunt" shirt and her a matching "I Think My Aunt is Super Cool" onesie. I could do this.
May 16, 2016 I was at work chatting with my 7-month pregnant sister. I had just signed off on the final menu for her baby shower scheduled 6 days later. She told me her doctor wanted her to come in and get checked because her blood pressure was high and she was experiencing a lot of swelling that wasn't going down. She said she'd keep me posted since I was the only one she told aside from her husband who had left work and was on his way to her (an hour away). Now as I type this I reveal I knew much sooner what was possibly happening.
That afternoon a little after 1pm, after a few hours of no response from my sister or brother-in-law I received a call from my mom saying my sister was being airlifted from Kankakee, IL to University of Chicago and "We're having a baby today." The slew of explicits that I let out probably rivaled that of a pirate. It went something like this "F$%^ F$%^*&#@ F$%^ F$%^." I was at work. Everyone was in a meeting. So I did what anyone would probably do in that situation. I told the closest person to me, who knew nothing about my accounts. As well I sent a work email that said "Uh, hey. I'm not here, my sister is being airlifted from Kankakee to University of Chicago. Apparently I'm going to be an Aunt two months early. So uh, good thoughts, yeah?"
I ran out of work. Well I would have run if I had my running shoes on. Speaking of, I was heading out to change my clothes quickly and race to my parents. We were going to drive to the hospital. I wasn't out of the parking lot yet and my Brother in Law, Matt, called me and asked if I was at work. I told him I was on my way, mom had called me, I was going to meet them.
He said he needed a favor.
Obviously. Anything. Well I had to make the trek and journey of a lifetime. His mom was at his parents house, she didn't know what was going on, and she needed to get to the hospital. So Thelma and Louise style (ok, not entirely) ... I drove, got my Brother in Law's mom, and we became two women on our way to meet a baby!
We got to the hospital at 5:37pm and met Matt, he said about 10 minutes prior they had taken Jill back to surgery for an emergency c-section. Annabelle was born at 5:33pm. She was 2 pounds 14 ounces and 15". The nurse came out and got all of us waiting and said if we hurried we'd see the team as they wheeled her by. We scurried as fast as we could. And then rolling by in a tiny incubator was a very tiny little ball of a baby. That was my niece. She was breathing on her own that very night.
Jill ended up being diagnosed with HELLP Syndrome. Reading about it is frightening. Hearing her account is frightening. Hear my brother in law's recount of it is frightening. The only good thing that came from that is the actuality of strength both Jill and Annabelle have.
I had to wait 19 days after her birth to finally meet Annabelle. I was excited. I was nervous. I had seen photos. I saw videos. I needed to see for myself. I knew she was in good hands. But I needed to see for myself. Touch her. Talk to her. Do whatever I could so I'd know for sure. I needed to see myself.
Annabelle spent the next 37 days in NICU/TCU until she was finally able to come home.
I had to wait a week from the time Annabelle got home until I was able to visit her. The moment had come. I was going to hold a still very tiny baby. She was my niece. I had to. It was my duty to do so.
In fact the thought of kids scared me so dang much that I had a pretty strict rule that I wouldn't hold a kid until it was 3 months old. By that time they were less fragile, a little less awkward (which wouldn't exactly make me any less awkward). And also by then their parents probably, maybe, sorta, might have had things figured out.
I remember when I held my friends son, her second child. It was precisely on his three month birthday. She knew damn well what she was doing. She had me on a technicality. I all but had a panic attack. I started breathing heavily. Heart racing. I was sweating. Like roll my sleeves up sweating.
I also remember when my best friend had her daughter and was visiting her parents and stopped by my work to say hi. I thought "Aww, this is great, we'll say hey to one another!" We hadn't seen a lot of one another after her daughter was born, so it was a great idea. Nope, I walked out of my office to say hi and she instantly handed her daughter off to me. Her just shy of three month old daughter to me. I stood motionless. I looked like a panicked statue if such a thing exists.
Last year a friend walked by and put his two week old son in my arms while at a kid's birthday party. Oh holy hell. That child was small. I was holding him on what was originally his due date. Oh, tiny baby. That had definitely broken my 3-month rule. But the kid and I both lived to talk about it.
Christmas of 2015 brought the news that I would become an Aunt during the Summer of 2016. My sister and brother-in-law were expecting! The question was posed if I'd hold my future niece or nephew when they were born. Well of course! I said that at least. I thought to myself "They'd be different, they'd be my niece or nephew. I could remind her or him their entire life that I held them when they were born." I'd have to make an exception. Probably. Maybe. I had 6 months to figure it out.
March of 2016 brought the news that I would become an Aunt of a little girl to be named Annabelle Sophia Rusek. In my mind she was already perfect. We'd have matching Chuck Taylors in life. I'd teach her glitter is great. I imagined my sister and brother-in-law would quickly dispel my teaching her that glitter is great. I'd buy her a cowbell so she could cheer me on at my races. And basically she'd think I was the coolest Aunt a little girl could ever have! I could do this. I could hold her when she was born. I'd have to get a "I"m a Super Cool Aunt" shirt and her a matching "I Think My Aunt is Super Cool" onesie. I could do this.
May 16, 2016 I was at work chatting with my 7-month pregnant sister. I had just signed off on the final menu for her baby shower scheduled 6 days later. She told me her doctor wanted her to come in and get checked because her blood pressure was high and she was experiencing a lot of swelling that wasn't going down. She said she'd keep me posted since I was the only one she told aside from her husband who had left work and was on his way to her (an hour away). Now as I type this I reveal I knew much sooner what was possibly happening.
That afternoon a little after 1pm, after a few hours of no response from my sister or brother-in-law I received a call from my mom saying my sister was being airlifted from Kankakee, IL to University of Chicago and "We're having a baby today." The slew of explicits that I let out probably rivaled that of a pirate. It went something like this "F$%^ F$%^*&#@ F$%^ F$%^." I was at work. Everyone was in a meeting. So I did what anyone would probably do in that situation. I told the closest person to me, who knew nothing about my accounts. As well I sent a work email that said "Uh, hey. I'm not here, my sister is being airlifted from Kankakee to University of Chicago. Apparently I'm going to be an Aunt two months early. So uh, good thoughts, yeah?"
I ran out of work. Well I would have run if I had my running shoes on. Speaking of, I was heading out to change my clothes quickly and race to my parents. We were going to drive to the hospital. I wasn't out of the parking lot yet and my Brother in Law, Matt, called me and asked if I was at work. I told him I was on my way, mom had called me, I was going to meet them.
He said he needed a favor.
Obviously. Anything. Well I had to make the trek and journey of a lifetime. His mom was at his parents house, she didn't know what was going on, and she needed to get to the hospital. So Thelma and Louise style (ok, not entirely) ... I drove, got my Brother in Law's mom, and we became two women on our way to meet a baby!
We got to the hospital at 5:37pm and met Matt, he said about 10 minutes prior they had taken Jill back to surgery for an emergency c-section. Annabelle was born at 5:33pm. She was 2 pounds 14 ounces and 15". The nurse came out and got all of us waiting and said if we hurried we'd see the team as they wheeled her by. We scurried as fast as we could. And then rolling by in a tiny incubator was a very tiny little ball of a baby. That was my niece. She was breathing on her own that very night.
Jill ended up being diagnosed with HELLP Syndrome. Reading about it is frightening. Hearing her account is frightening. Hear my brother in law's recount of it is frightening. The only good thing that came from that is the actuality of strength both Jill and Annabelle have.
I had to wait 19 days after her birth to finally meet Annabelle. I was excited. I was nervous. I had seen photos. I saw videos. I needed to see for myself. I knew she was in good hands. But I needed to see for myself. Touch her. Talk to her. Do whatever I could so I'd know for sure. I needed to see myself.
If I'm being honest I cried. I did. Not at first. At first I was just so giddy and excited to see her that I just kept saying to my sister "Her little hands" or "Look at her". Once I saw for myself she was going to be ok ... that's when I cried.
Annabelle spent the next 37 days in NICU/TCU until she was finally able to come home.
I had to wait a week from the time Annabelle got home until I was able to visit her. The moment had come. I was going to hold a still very tiny baby. She was my niece. I had to. It was my duty to do so.
I didn't want to give her up. She just sat with me. I kept bopping her on her nose. She'd hold onto my finger and squeeze. She even rested on my chest. I'll be honest I did give her up when my arms fell asleep. She weighed under five pounds at that time. I kept saying "She weighs less than a bag of sugar!" I measured her ear with my thumb. Her ear was the size of my first thumb joint.
Sadly I had to leave that day and it would be another two weeks before I got to visit Annabelle again.
She laid in my arms for over an hour. Moving around. She was so alert! I only gave her up because she was starting to get fussy because it was apparently feeding time.
She continues to grow rapidly, at her 11 week check-up she was up to 8 pounds. We all know what a special little girl she is, but we don't tell her she's a miracle (despite her doctor saying so) ... you know, we don't want it to go to her head.
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